Death To Flying Things?

It just so happened that I found myself on BaseballReference.com at 4:30 in the morning today. What were you doing at this time? Sleeping? Pathetic. I will not apologize for my nocturnal activities. If more people got on Baseball Reference at 4:30 AM, I'd have more friends. But anyway, in my quest to learn more things baseball related, I accidentally stumbled across something very interesting that sent me into research mode.

I just so happened to be glancing at the list of "acceptable searches", which I presume to be a reference point for some of the more mentally challenged baseball fans out there, and on the list was a simple string of words that read "Death To Flying Things". I frowned, my curiosity piqued, and decided to try that exact search in the Baseball Reference engine, not really believing it was possible that something would actually come up. Amazingly enough, it did. Even more amazing is the fact that the results consisted of not just one player, but two, whose respective careers overlapped from 1874-1876. This was rapidly becoming a very interesting mystery. Hooked now, I proceeded to click away feverishly in hopes of coming to the bottom of this.

The two results were Jack Chapman (1874-1876) and Bob Ferguson (1871-1884). Both players are credited with the nickname of "Death To Flying Things". This immediately drew me in for multiple reasons. One, how the hell does a baseball player earn a nickname like that? Two, how did more than one player from the same era go by that nickname? Three, what did anyone do at all in 1875? The latter of these reasons is not really pertinent to our ongoing discussion, but it's still something to think about. Just be thankful it's not 1875 is all I'm trying to say. Or 1975 for that matter. It's actually almost 2008, in fact. Holy shit, the future is here!

My first idea was to click on both players and see if any information could be derived about the nickname based on sponsorships. Considering how long ago these two played, and how irrelevant they are to the history of baseball in terms of stats, I was surprised to find that both pages are sponsored. Ferguson's page simply links to some marine/ocean product page with the byline of "Greatest Nickname in the History of Sports", while Chapman's page has no link and merely states that "Ferguson gets the credit, but Chapman really was 'Death To Flying Things'". The plot thickens. Is there a historical debate here? Did these players vie to be more dangerous to objects that mobilized through the air during their time in baseball? What the hell is going on with this nickname? I decided to hit up Google and type in the nickname yet again. Here, I found more interesting results, and more contradictions.

The first two links Google supplied were the two Baseball Reference pages we've already discussed. The third is a blog given the title "Death To Flying Things", which can be accessed by visiting http://www.deathtoflyingthings.blogspot.com/. I'm always looking for good baseball blogs regardless of team interest, and it appears this one holds its own. I took the time to read the last few posts on the page, and there are certainly some correct viewpoints to be found, such as the fact that Dontrelle Willis blows. At any rate, it's a unique idea to dig into baseball history and name a blog after an obscure nickname, and they even paid homage to it by giving a brief background on it:

This site is named in honor of Bob "Death to Flying Things" Ferguson, who played baseball from 1871-84 and also was a manager. The origin of his unusual nickname remains a mystery, although most people believe it was because of his defensive prowess as an infielder. A more colorful explanation alleged that Ferguson liked to throw balls at birds prior to games.

Good stuff. So I went back to the original Google search page and kept looking. Next was a strange site entitled Find a Grave, which featured a picture of Ferguson's grave and a short bio of him that reads:

Major League Baseball Player, Manager. An outstanding 19th century ballplayer, he was captain of the Brooklyn Atlantics that handed the Cincinnati Red Stockings their first loss in two years. He was also a Manager as well, managing every team he played for from 1871 through 1884. Considered to be baseball's first switch-hitter, he was a so-so hitter and an outstanding fielder, given the nickname "Death to Flying Things" because of his ability to catch fly balls in an era when players did not wear gloves. Noted for his character, honesty and judgment, he was a shining example of good sportsmanship during a very unruly period of baseball history. He was elected president of the National Association from 1872-1875. Noted for a bad temper, he later became a NL umpire, where his temper once again got the best of him. He got into an argument one day with a player and decided to end the argument by breaking his arm with a bat. Over his NL career, he accrued a .271 lifetime average and a 299-373 won loss record as a manager.

I can't exactly vouch that any of this information is true, but all the same, very interesting. I might point out that it's kind of ironic a person noted to display good sportsmanship who was respected for his character broke someone's arm with a blunt wooden object over a petty argument. Aside from the fact that I had still only found evidence to support that Ferguson was the rightful "Death To Flying Things", there was now the debate over where the nickname came from. Apparently Ferguson was an outstanding defensive player who didn't use a glove, but Find a Grave mentioned his ability to catch fly balls while the previous site mentioned him as being an infielder. I made one last stop on the web, and that, of course, happened to be Wikipedia:

Robert Vavasour Ferguson, nicknamed "Death to Flying Things," was an infielder, league official, manager and umpire in the early days of baseball, playing both before and after baseball became professional.

That didn't clear up much. So ultimately, I turned to my trusty Baseball Encyclopedia on the bookshelf to settle this. Here, all my questions were answered:

When Bob Ferguson is mentioned today it's usually in reference to his odd nickname, "Death To Flying Things." Ironically, the descriptive phrase was originally and most commonly applied to his one-time teammate, Jack Chapman. Ferguson himself was better known as "Old Fergy."

So there. Jack Chapman was indeed the real Death To Flying Things! Additionally, Ferguson was in fact an infielder (listed as a second and third baseman), not an outfielder, thus clearing up any doubts I had based off the description on Find a Grave. Further thoughts on that particular web site include that idea being a pretty creepy concept.

Lastly, I thought it was only fair to point out that Bob Ferguson sucked horribly, as did most baseball players (all) of that time period. He may have been an outstanding fielder and the first well known switch hitter, but he did finish with a line of .271/.305/.323 in 562 games. Basically, he has the same skill set as Cesar Izturis, who I now demand be referred to as the modern day "Death To Flying Things". Happy Holidays.

Merry Christmas!

A new era in my life as a Cardinal fan has officially begun. While it was already clear he wouldn't be a part of the 2008 team, it's just refreshing to see So Taguchi officially donning a Phillies uniform. After several seasons of getting entirely too many at-bats, the "So Man," as Mike Shannon called him, has moved on. Whew. At least he hit that home run off Billy Wagner in the 2006 NLCS; that was pretty cool. While this signing was significant to my peace of mind, a bigger transaction took place this past week, even if it may be a bit discreet.

The Reds and Rangers came to terms on a deal that sent outfielder Josh Hamilton to Texas in exhange for pitchers Edinson Volquez and Danny Herrera. Perhaps lost in the circumstances of Hamilton's 2007 return (he overcame severe substance addiction) was how good a season he had. In only 298 at-bats, Hamilton hit .292/.368/.554 with 19 homers and 33 walks. Not only did he prove that after all of his problems he could be a major leagu player, he proved that he may just wind up being the threatening bat the Rays thought he would be in 1999. Hamilton won't turn 27 until May, and hitting in Texas, where baseballs fly and he'll land in the middle of the order, could lead to a monster 2008 campaign.

The primary return the Reds are getting in exchange for Hamilton is Volquez, who throws hard and was voted the top minor leaguer in the Rangers system last season. He made six starts for Texas near season's end, and he proved to be more than adequate as a major league starter already. While Volquez projects to be a solid starter at some point, he's exhibited control problems at times in his career, and he probably doesn't honestly have Hamilton's upside. As for the other pitcher involved, Danny Herrera, he throws a fastball that tops out in the low-to-mid 80s. Seriously. And he's 5'7" and 145 pounds. Again, I'm not making up any of this. Most of those bizarre oversized kids in the Little League World Series that list Derek Jeter as their favorite player are bigger than that. He's been successful in the minors for the most part, but he's getting older, and his skills set may have trouble transitioning to the major league level.

Everyone enjoy their holiday season. Merry Baseball to all!

Scott Rolen Is An Asshole

As my fictional Diamondbacks tear through the last few months of their season in OOTP 2007, I've chosen to take some time to put fingers to keyboard and discuss how much I have come to dislike a player I once considered one of the finest Cardinals in franchise history. This article has been due for a long while now, and can be put off no longer. I was hoping for a trade in recent weeks, but nothing materialized, and it looks now as though nothing will, at least not before the season starts. Anything is a possibility, of course, but as of right now all bets are off.

In 2004, St. Louis's vaunted offense was a force to be reckoned with, especially after the mid-season acquisition of Larry Walker. The trio of Albert Pujols (1.072 OPS), Jim Edmonds (1.061 OPS), and Scott Rolen (1.007 OPS) could not really be overcome, not even over the course of a single game. Chances are one of them was going to hurt you before the team had used up all 27 of their outs. While Pujols still remains every bit as dangerous as he was then (not really; he had an awful 2007 in which he posted a meager .997 OPS), Rolen and Edmonds have slipped in a big way in the three subsequent seasons. Each, in fact, has posted two disappointing campaigns and a respectable one that still doesn't approach their best. For Edmonds, the decline has been chronological, and thus makes sense, despite whatever injuries may have contributed. Edmonds's OPS+ has slipped each season since his phenomenal '04, from 170 that year to 137 in '05, down to 11o in '06, down to a disgraceful 88 in '07. If used properly, he could have a slight rebound in San Diego, but his new home park will not help him offensively or defensively, and there's a very good chance that Edmonds is largely done as a baseball player. But it is not my intention to discuss the recently traded St. Louis icon in this article; I have no ill feelings towards Jimmy, and wish him all the best. His prime years as a Cardinal were fantastic, and I will always remember him fondly.

Scott Rolen, on the other hand, is a whole different matter. While Edmonds and Rolen are similar in the fact that they've both shown signs of being really whiny pricks, at least Edmonds appreciates the city and organization that helped make his career. Rolen, on the other hand, has been insufferable for the better part of two years now because he has chronic shoulder problems that the Cardinals' medical staff wasn't able to magically heal. Rescued in 2002 from a franchise that has seen just four trips to the post-season since their 1980 World Series effort, Rolen got a chance to start anew in St. Louis, and he did just that. The franchise has been largely successful since acquiring him, making four trips to the playoffs from 2002-2007, including two pennants and a championship ring. How does he feel about the organization that has given him all this opportunity in his professional career, including long-term security with an 8 year, $90 million dollar contract? He hates them.

With everything taken into consideration, I'd have to say that doesn't make any sense. It's true I'm not an insider to the whole situation. But really, no one understands what's going on here. That's mostly because Scott Rolen won't express anything about it. In fact, he simply transitioned overnight from a happy, content player to a brooding son of a bitch who hated his manager and everyone else on the team. I was patient with him through the start of this ongoing soap opera, and in fact publicly supported him on his Baseball Reference page. I spent $50 to sponsor that page, and how does he repay me? By demanding a trade, by being a total bastard, by putting up an OPS of god damn .729. Well, I've had it. He's played for two franchises and gotten himself on bad, irreparable terms both places. I'm convinced the problem all along has been him, not his managers, teammates, or anything else. In fact, fuck Scott Rolen.

That said, I'd love nothing more than to see him come out in 2008 on a tear and hit .315/.385/.550 through the first part of the season and get traded for a substantial package near the trading deadline. As far as personal opinions go, though, I will not forgive him no matter what kind of performance he puts up. No one should be surprised if he is incapable of bouncing back and playing that well, though. His once Hall bound career has taken quite a detour, and it wouldn't be surprising if he failed to ever win another Gold Glove or post a .900 OPS again.

For the time being, the Cardinals don't have any in house options to replace Rolen, so they have to choose carefully in regards to searching for a trade. The deal that never came to pass with Milwaukee that would have allegedly freed St. Louis of his entire contract plus netted them Chris Capuano and a top prospect would have been too good to be true at this point, but merely dumping his salary is a risky proposition at this point in time, since his decline is not as clear cut as the 37-year-old Edmonds's. Rolen will be 33 in April, and could theoretically have a few top seasons left in him if his injuries went away for good.

As a final thought, the Cardinals actually got a third baseman in return for Edmonds, although the primary motivation in sending Jimmy to San Diego was obviously financial. David Freese, 24, has shown the ability to hit, albeit only at the Single A levels of the minors. In 2007 he put up a solid line of .302/.400/.489. If he can make the jump to Double A this season and hit convincingly, he may be a possible option at third down the road should the Cardinals need a solution to replace Rolen within the organization. Chances are he won't provide enough power to justify a starting corner infield spot at any point, but at least there's potential there. ESPN analyst Keith Law calls Freese the type of player who could one day be a useful bench player, which isn't very encouraging. Then again, Keith Law hates every baseball player who has resisted his sexual propositions (he's gay).

At any rate, regardless of what ends up happening in the Scott Rolen saga, on the field or off, my opinion of the man has been permanently stained. I no longer think well of him, and furthermore, he can go to hell.

A Whole New Outfield

An era has most certainly come to an end. Center fielder Jim Edmonds, who has been a Cardinal staple since being traded to St. Louis in 2000, was shipped to the San Diego Padres Friday for minor league third baseman David Freese. While some sort of move was inevitable given Edmonds' decline, fragility, and contract, it is important to remember just how good he really was in a Cardinal uniform, no matter what you may think of his personality (you've never met him, asshole).

Traded to the Cardinals from the Angels in 2000 for Kent Bottenfield (once accidentally won some games) and Adam Kennedy (please go back to California again), Edmonds immediately made his presence felt in St. Louis. Edmonds hit 42 homers, posted a .994 OPS and played stellar defense in his Cardinal debut. JimEd would continue to be a joy to watch. Edmonds hit at least 25 homers, posted a .385 or better OBP, slugged at least .530, and won a gold glove in each of his first six Cardinal seasons. He truly was the sort of player you can't forget: a terrfic power hitter with patience to spare who consistently made jaw-dropping plays in center field. Add to this a goosebump-inducing home run in the 2004 NLCS, and you have a Cardinal legend, a player who may have been Hall quality if his career had begun slightly earlier and/or injuries hadn't played as big a role. While a lot has been made of his recent struggles, Edmonds was still more than useful in 2006 (.821 OPS), and he should be remembered fondly by anyone who truly thinks they are a Cardinal fan. Additonally, he should be the pope.

Edmonds basking in California sunlight also means a vacancy in the outfield for 2008. While Colby Rasmus is obviously ideally the long-term answer, what will the Cards do to begin 2008? Between Edmonds being traded, Juan Encarnacion's career-ending eye injury, and Rasmus likely beginning the season in the minor leagues, the entire St. Louis outfield is something of a giant question mark. Let's take a look at the candidates to grace Busch's outfield in 2008.

Chris Duncan: Despite a slow finish, Duncan wound up posting an OPS of .834 and hitting 21 homers in his 375 2007 at-bats. Duncan will certainly have playing time in 2008, even though he struggles against lefties, strikes out a ton, and can't actually play the outfield. Duncan's bat (the only bat in the Cardinal lineup not possessed by Albert Pujols that is capable of doing anything), however, is enough to justify a starting spot. Somewhere Tony LaRussa is crying underneath his creepy tinted glasses. Also, he's drunk.

Rick Ankiel: Ankiel showed plenty of pop in his brief tenure with the big club in '07, hitting 11 homers and slugging .535 in 172 at-bats. That said, he looked very, very confused at times and thinks that the BB column in the box score stands for the number of buttons buttoned on a player's jersey. Ankiel is likely to be overmatched much of the time in 2008, and will be prone to very disgusting slumps. He looked competent in the outfield, though, and his arm is strong and deadly accurate. You'd think he could be a pitcher with all of that power and precision, maybe even strike out like 194 batters in a season.

Ryan Ludwick: Ludwick has never proven to be good, but he did at least slug .479 last season as a Cardinal. He can play all three outfield positions, and he gives Al Hrabosky a hard-on with all his effort. Ludwick randomly crushed right handers last season (.298/.362/.547), and this slight anomaly may have been responsible for his semi-decency over the course a small sample size. Unfortunately, he may be the best option the team has as a third outfielder. I guess there are worse options, though...

Skip Schumaker: ...such as Skip Schumaker. He has a stupid name, no real power, no on-base abilities, and a track record of abject failure. Schumaker will be 28 at the start of the 2008 season, and every year the Cardinals bring him back to shithustle his way to a spot on the roster which he annually uses to prove that he is not a major league baseball player. But Tony LaRussa absolutely loves this guy, and no one is sure why. Last season, when Double S was sent down to make room for reliever Tyler Johnson, LaRussa openly freaked out, questioning the decision. LaRussa later burst into tears and stormed off to his room, where he lied down on his bed and wept quietly, all the while clutching his pillow and staring at the photo collages of he and Skip that littered his walls. Unfortunately, Schumaker is the same sort of player that Cardinal management and fans have been falling in love with for years. He has no discernable skills, he works hard, and he runs around all the time, whether it's really necessary or not (see: Joe McEwing, Bo Hart, David Eckstein, Albert Pujols). Hopefully, he'll be resigned to a bench spot.

Brian Barton: Barton is a Rule 5 draft pick actually worth discussing. Barton is able to play center field, and his minor league track record suggests he has a good eye (he posted OBPs over .400 for Cleveland's A and AA affiliates). He also has shown a little bit of power and speed, and at 25 is still younger than all of the other non-Rasmus options. All I'm saying, Cardinal management, is think about it. Please.

It's just December, and I'm starting to get nervous about the 2008 Cardinals.

Don't Ever, Ever Hail Cesar

Coming off an extremely underwhelming 2007, Cardinal fans are no doubt ready for some changes to be made, for the 2008 roster to take shape and show promise. Well, too bad. With Walt Jocketty gone after his patented "trade piles of shit for stars" plan stopped actually working, the Cards have put their trust in the hands of a new general manager, John Mozeliak. What do we know about Mozeliak so far? Well, he was born in 1969, and he looks eerily similar to John Turturro. Beyond those two ironclad facts, I really can't tell you much about the heir to Jocketty's once impressive throne (Mark Mulder has since soiled the aforementioned throne). Unfortunately, all we really have to go on is Mozeliak's first "big" move, and if that serves as a preview of what's to come, this certainly isn't love at first sight.

On November 30, the Cardinals signed shortstop Cesar Izturis to a one-year, $2.85 million deal. Are you serious? Why? Well known for his defensive abilities, Izturis will solve absolutely nothing. While it's certainly a plus to have a strong defense behind your pitcher, it doesn't really matter a fucking lot if the pitcher in question is someone like Mark Mulder, or Kelvin Jiminez, or Dewon Brazelton, for God's sake. There are much more pressing issues to address, such as the fact that any of the three pitchers I just mentioned really could be allowed to throw baseballs in 2008. Beyond Adam Wainwright, the rotation is a sickening mess.

But let me return to the topic at hand, Cesar Izturis. Beyond his solid defense, there isn't much to like about this signing. Actually, there isn't one single thing. Izturis hasn't been able to find a way to get that career OPS north of .630, and he shouldn't ever make more than the league minimum. This isn't K-Mart; you shouldn't be just getting raises for still working at the same place. Even sadder is that the Pirates and Cubs combined to pay this guy $4.25 million last seasons. Granted we are talking about the Pirates, who haven't done anything right with their personnel since around when Bill Clinton took office, and the Cubs, who also think Scott Eyre deserves to take baths in gold coins and tufts of Jesus' hair. Very briefly, let's take a look at what the Eyepatches and Small Bears got out of Izturis a year ago:

.258/.302/.315, 0 HR, in 314 AB

Yuck. That's not worth $2.85. And yes, I realize I didn't type "million" after $2.85. There is a very good reason for that. Despite this signing, I will try to remain open-minded and shelve my skepticism, at least for now. I just hope that St. Louis' new general manager can do something productive with the ghosts of Scott Rolen and Jim Edmonds and maybe acquire a couple of useful puzzle pieces for them. After all, the lineup just got even weaker, and as I mentioned before, the starting rotation is extremely suspect. As the winter meetings rage on, it's an exciting time to be a baseball fan, but it remains to be seen whether or not the same can be said of being a Cardinals fan.

Go Rays

Who is Joe Maddon? But anyway, admit it. You can't possibly root against the Tampa Bay Rays. They're so awful in a lovable way. Introduced into the Majors in 1998, they have yet to compile more than 70 wins in any of the subsequent ten seasons, nine of which have resulted in a last place finish in the impossible to compete in AL East. When they finished fourth in 2004, they had a party. Some truly awful things have happened to this team, such as Mark Hendrickson making futile attempts at figuring out what the ultimate goal of a pitcher is (to get batters out), Hal McRae's crazy tantrums being dwarfed by his successor (Lou Piniella), and Randy Winn leading the team in OPS during the 2002 season. In fact, almost nothing at all has ever gone right. That could possibly begin to change at some point in the near future though, and if you're any kind of real baseball fan, that prospect should at least pique your interest. How about a Rays-Royals playoff game? Anyone? Fuck you. I'd watch it by myself then.

By and large, Tampa Bay's problems have been directly related to pitching, the main issue being that they have none of it. The Rays are an annual American League floor mat in ERA, a telling stat. After recently trading 22-year-old outfielder Delmon Young (.288/.316/.408 in 2007) for Minnesota's Matt Garza (3.69 ERA, 67 K/32 BB in 83 IP), though, the 2008 roster will feature the best starting rotation it's ever had. In front of Garza is Scott Kazmir, still just 23, and James Shields, also young at 25. Kazmir is already a star, as he posted 239 strikeouts last season in just over 206 innings of work and an ERA of 3.48. Considering the fact Tampa Bay acquired him for Victor Zambrano, that's a pretty good value. Shields isn't as much of a sure thing, but he posted outstanding peripherals in '07, including a K/BB total of 184/36 and 1.11 WHIP. The acquisition of Garza gives the Rays three legitimate young, talented arms in their rotation, which is sure to be enough to pay huge dividends on the pitching end of the team. Bullpen wise, they need just as much help, although incumbent closer Al Reyes did fine in his role last season despite a 4.90 ERA (he struck out 70 in 60 2/3 innings of work while surrendering just 49 hits). The addition of Troy Percival will help as well.

Offensively, there are some very bright areas. Speedy Carl Crawford is still young and has established himself as a fine hitter with tons of contact ability and still developing power. 2007 also saw the emergence of super prospect B.J. Upton (.300/.386/.508, 24 HR, 22 SB) and super late bloomer Carlos Pena (.282/.411/.627), who posted such staggering numbers that he could have won an MVP award on a winning team. The Rays also have several more young, intriguing players on the offensive side of the ball that could pan out at any given time.

With a new stadium in the works, a new look in the logo and uniforms, and the removal of the word "Devil" from their nickname, Tampa Bay's utterly pathetic franchise is attempting to breathe new life into its tiny fan base. All I'm saying is that they've sold me. I love it when hopeless franchises make a push towards respectability. (See: Kansas City, Milwaukee) If the Rays win the AL East next year, don't expect me to really blink or anything.

Welcome!

Welcome to the new home of the meanest, most satirical baseball fans the world has to offer. Originally found on sprayahen.com, Brian Vaughan and I, Spencer Hendricks, have elected to relocate to a simpler setting and discuss our baseball thoughts once more. Much like the former website (which could and should still be accessed to this very day), we will largely be focusing on the St. Louis Cardinals, but we will also certainly branch out from time to time as well. Since sprayahen.com has died many a painful death during its numerous comeback attempts, we thought we'd give it another go in blog format. Blogs are dumb, and template designs equal fake websites, but we have thoughts to pound out (usually in an angry manner), and our laziness has ensured we will not ever stick to anything that isn't being mostly done for us. By hiding behind an automated format on someone else's creation, we might actually muster up enough energy to write about baseball for a long period of time. The quality will be there, although quantity and readership are to be determined. We hope to impress you, persuade you, crush all your hopes and dreams, and ultimately, make you hate us. Because we sure hate us. It's time to break baseball down into the manageable pieces of insanity only Brian and I can serve. Eat up, you fucks.